The next paragraph is a made-up scenario. Place yourself in that story and observe through your mind's eye. Take notice of how you feel as you read through the scenario and make a note of your emotions and reactions.
Imagine that you're on a bus going to work. You've been on the bus for about 15 minutes, same as the girl three rows in front of you. There are others on the bus, too, some far behind and some far ahead.
A man gets on and sits right between you and the girl in front. Suddenly, the man begins to whisper something to the girl. You don't know what he's saying, but you can see that she is becoming uncomfortable–her demeanor changes. Others take notice as well. But the man continues to speak to the girl.
Now, everyone can hear him joking and saying that "such a pretty girl should not be sitting on the bus alone..."
After laughing at his jokes, he leans forward and continues to talk to her. Her silence only aggravates him, so he persists. The girl tries to hold back her tears, but her eyes well up. The guy gets a glimpse and laughs again.
Then, a whole 8 minutes after the harassment began, he sits back and puts his headphones on. It's finally over.
Upset by what just happened, the girl gets off at the next stop.
Did you intervene?
Did you say or do anything to help the girl?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
Did you look around the bus to see what others were doing and how they were reacting?
------------
You're not alone if the answers to the questions above show that you didn't do anything to help the girl on the bus. The failure to intervene and aid someone because of the presence, and inaction, of others is called the bystander effect or bystander apathy. This social psychology theory shows that an individual is less likely to help someone when there are other people around. For the most part, it happens because of social influence (if no one tells the man to leave the girl alone, I won't tell him either) and diffusion of responsibility (the bus driver should say something; it's his bus).
HOW THE BYSTANDER EFFECT EMERGED
This theory came about after social psychologists Bibb Latané and John Darley were intrigued by the details surrounding the infamous murder of Kitty Genovese in 1964. After learning that several people heard the fatal attack as it occurred, these psychologists set out to study the social influences that prevented the earwitnesses from taking action and helping Kitty. As reported, 38 people heard (and a couple saw) Kitty fighting off her killer, Winston Moseley. Still, the vast majority did nothing to help her.
Because of this case, we now know what will likely happen in unfamiliar, stressful, or potentially dangerous situations where there are other passive witnesses–you stand by, you say nothing, you walk away. And we know that this happens because people deliberately and indeliberately influence one another. However, we should also know that generally, this doesn't occur because of apathy and selfish unwillingness, but because of cognitive and social processes that can prompt inaction. But knowledge is power.
ACTIVE BYSTANDERISM/BYSTANDER INTERVENTION
Fortunately, we can disrupt this social & psychological tendency. We can become ACTIVE bystanders–people who safely intervene in situations where someone is being victimized.
Being active bystanders is a conscious decision to say or do something on behalf of others whenever possible–even before we find ourselves in a given situation. It is knowing that the people around us influence us but realizing that we can go against the norms that discourage interceding to maintain a real or imagined balance.
BYSTANDERS AND SOCIAL JUSTICE
Last year was a year unlike any other regarding exposing the systemic oppression, bias, discrimination, and violence against black people. The unrestrained public persecution and subsequent execution of black people in the USA shook the world. And it shook me.
Before May 2020, when being subjected to or in the company of prejudice and racism, I would withhold my responses–verbal and emotional. Remaining composed and sometimes deflecting racist remarks was my way of coping and protecting myself. Or so I thought. Nevertheless, the memories of every discriminatory and racist incident I experienced or witnessed are etched in my mind. In the end, silence did not shield me.
After seeing the length and depth of racism last year, I realized that silence perpetuates injustice. And that unchallenged thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors subsist. So, I began to speak up.
Initially, speaking up was an emotional reaction to watching the dismissal of racism–blaming victims, replying "All Lives Matter," condemning the destruction of property but not of life were rejections to the fact that black lives are worthy of respect and equality. Speaking up was also a response to the lack of genuine support from non-black friends–the pain felt from the silence of those deemed as friends and leaders was as grievous as watching another black body being murdered.
After having many revealing conversations (and a few arguments), my responses became more calculated. Towards the end of 2020, I had been in and had heard of situations where silence would have perpetuated ignorance. And since I decided that I would use my voice rather than shrinking back in pain, I dared to speak.
It is my goal to be an active bystander. I know that I will disrupt perceptions and set bridges ablaze in the process of becoming one. And as painful as that is (and will be), I have accepted it. It's already happening, and I don't regret speaking my mind to try to protect and preserve dignity.
Know this, when it comes to social injustices and the occurrence of discrimination based on race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, class, and disabilities, the bystander effect will rear its predictable head. Yes, it is easier and safer to remain quiet (and liked), but it is more impactful and constructive to stand up for each other.
When justifying their silence, someone told me that there are too many things happening in the world for them to only denounce racism. They are not wrong. A lot is happening in the world today. One glimpse at the news, and you realize how hate-filled and broken our world is. But apathy and performative allyship & activism will only create more cracks in our fractured societies.
We can't do everything, but we can do something. And when presented with the opportunity–an uncertain circumstance–we can choose to stand up for one another. We can practice compassion-based intervention–if it was the other way around, how would you want others to respond to your distress and pain?
Being aware of the psychosocial propensities in an unsafe or potentially unsafe situation (ambiguity, diffusion of responsibility, conformity, groupthink) equips us to make smart and helpful decisions. However, practicing behavioral interventions will bring about meaningful change.
ACTIVE BYSTANDER RESPONSE TO BUS SCENARIO
To begin to wrap this up, here are some actions I would have taken had I been the person sitting behind the young girl on the bus:
- Disrupt the situation by moving to sit next to the girl and speaking to her as if she were a friend.
- Ask the bus driver for assistance (ask others for help).
- Ask the harasser to stop. Using non-threatening language and tone (de-escalating strategies), I would say something like, "Hey, she's a kid, leave her alone."
- Or if I could not do anything while we were on the bus, I would get off when she does and ask if she's okay.
- Doing what is right is often costly. But if we're not striving to be better human beings, and if we are not willing to learn and grow, we will not move forward.
- Lastly, with this post, I affirm that we cannot disagree about racism and remain friends–we cannot continue to have a deep and honest friendship if your beliefs and actions remain willfully rooted in the oppression of others.
- If your only response to BLACK LIVES MATTER is "All Lives Matter," you are not a friend. You've intentionally missed the point.
- If you remain quiet and unmoved when presented with the opportunity to acknowledge that racism is real, you are not a friend. Your privilege is more precious to you than the rights and dignity of others.
- If you see someone in blackface and believe it is comedic brilliance and comment on the hilarity of it, you are not a friend. This single incident was as damaging as watching Derek Chauvin murder George Floyd. I wrote this post because I could NOT stand by and watch blackness used as a costume choice and a form of entertainment.
If you think that this is harsh or excessive, that is okay. It is your opinion to have. These are boundaries that I've set to foster safe, nurturing, and authentic relationships with the people who value who I am.
If you've been hurt by the bystanders and prejudiced people in your life, if you're exhausted from fighting for justice, if you're the only one holding up the BLACK LIVES MATTER sign in your house, school or church, know that you are not alone AND that your efforts will not go unnoticed. You are making a difference in the world. Protect your mental health, guard your heart, and keep going. It's truth and love that will make our communities better places for everyone.
- "In a racist society, it is not enough to be non-racist; we must be anti-racist."
- -Dr. Angela Davis
