We have such a long way to go in the fight against sexual violence. According to the World Health Organization, globally, one in every three women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime. That's 30 percent of the women on earth. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, considering that as many as nearly 80 percent of cases go unreported.
Men and boys experience sexual abuse as well, and the stigma is even bigger for male survivors. However, women and girls are disproportionately affected by gender-based violence.
Sexual violence is a social crisis, but we hardly talk about it. We rarely discuss how life-shattering, shame-filled, and permanent sexual abuse is. Its effects go beyond the physical. The reverberations reach the mind and soul.
The truth is that as women, we accumulate sexual violations throughout our lifetime–for women of color, LGBTQIA+ women, immigrant women, and disabled women, the aggregate is greater.
I know more women who have been sexually harassed and/or abused than women who have not. And, alas, I think that this rings true for many others.
In 2017, we got a glimpse of the magnitude of this problem when 19 million social media users around the world shared their experiences of sexual abuse using #MeToo (Me Too is a movement against sexual violence created by Tarana Burke in 2006). For a whole week, in October of 2017, I watched friends tell their stories of abuse and survival. I was stunned.
NICARAGUA, NICARAGUITA
This week, I met a few classmates to go over our notes to prepare for our cours de français. When one of the girls saw that I was wearing an off-the-shoulder crop-top, she commented on how cute it was and asked, "you drive, right?" At first, I thought it was an odd follow-up question. But after taking a glance at her, seeing that she was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a denim jacket in 34 °C/93 °F Managua weather, it hit me. She takes the bus. She has to brave the men and their unapologetic stares and the verbal harassment they so freely spew at women.
When I confirmed that I had a car, she rolled her eyes and said, "I have to dress like this when I take the bus." To this, the other girl sitting with us said, "...and when you drive, the street vendors surround your car and harass you at every stoplight." It's relentless.
Catcalling is a big problem in Nicaragua. Nicaraguan men have the disgusting tendency to shout degrading comments at women. Furthermore, they use women's physical characteristics to personalize their "piropos," which is what they call it instead of sexual harassment.
It is a given that every time I go out in public if a guy is passing by and has the chance to say something, he will sexualize whatever part of my body catches his attention. The last time I went out to walk my dog and wore shorts, I returned home filled with rage–face hot, fists clenched, eyes teary–because a guy passing in tuk-tuk shouted what he wanted to do to my body.
“Que negra mas rica. Te desbarataria.”
To many, it's "brush it off," "you can't take a joke," or "well, it's because you're pretty." To women feeling uncomfortable, triggered, and threatened, it's a form of sexual violence. And if this kind of abuse stays with us, know that the more physical types of sexual violations are exponentially more indelible and damaging. The effects of those are considerably greater, more pervasive, and even more devastating.
THE AFTERMATH OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE
Though responses vary from person to person, sexual violence (rape, prostitution, incest, sexual assault, sexual harassment, sexual exploitation, sexual coercion) has severe short and long-term physical, emotional, and psychological effects on victims. Below are some of them:
PHYSICAL: pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, sexual dysfunctions, chronic fatigue.
EMOTIONAL: constant fear, shame, guilt, anger, mistrust, helplessness, self-loathing, apathy.
PSYCHOLOGICAL: depression, anxiety, disassociation, PTSD, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or attempts.
Those mentioned above are all common effects of sexual assault and rape. However, this is NOT an exhaustive list because trauma may manifest differently in other survivors. But while every survivor responds to traumatic events in their way, one thing can be said about every incident of sexual abuse: THEY ARE RAVAGING, like violent tornadoes that uproot and hurl everything on their path.
Sexual violence has a way of stripping people of the things they need to live full lives–health, self-love, sense of safety, steadiness, passion, and belonging. It causes withdrawing within and away from others, to a place where pain, shame, and guilt begin to grow and manifest as mental disorders and self-destructive behaviors.
Cutting, burning, and hair-pulling. Binge eating. Purging. Running away. Substance misuse. Fear of men. Rage. Promiscuity. Chronic fatigue. Deep sadness. Dissociation. Hopelessness. Anhedonia. Contemplating suicide. Attempting suicide.
Those are some of the repercussions of sexual violence that I have seen over the years. They rob women (at least for some time) of the life they were meant to be living. And I say for some time because HEALING IS POSSIBLE.
HEALING IS FREEDOM
Healing is unique to every individual and their experiences, and it is an ongoing and gradual process. It doesn't mean forgetting traumatic experiences and not having emotional pain. Instead, it means managing symptoms in healthy ways, using effective coping mechanisms and strategies, regulating emotions, and seeking the truth in every situation.
HEALING IS FREEDOM from the weight and grip of sexual abuse. Through awareness, acceptance, forgiveness, and hard work, survivors can move closer to their authentic selves, learning to embrace and enjoy life, restored and empowered.
If you have experienced sexual abuse:
- When necessary, seek medical assistance.
- Reach out to someone you trust who will be able to support you. Because of the complexities and the ramifications of sexual abuse, telling a friend about it is not enough, but it is a good start. Find a safe & mature person (parent/carer, teacher, pastor, sexual abuse advocate, etc.) to talk to that can help you to access professional help. If you speak to a spiritual leader, remember that prayer is POWERFUL; it positions us to receive healing. However, it should not be the only tool used for recovery from sexual violence. It is essential to get help from trauma-informed professionals trained to assist survivors.
- If you know someone who has experienced sexual abuse:
- Thank them for trusting you with their story.
- Believe them.
- Encourage them to seek professional help.
- When they are talking about the experience, pay attention, be reassuring, and don't pry.
- Don't disappear or quietly remove yourself from their life after they disclose what happened. But if you must, communicate why you can't be there for them.
- Don't say any of the following:
- - "It could have been worse."
- - "What were you wearing?"
- - "You have to get over it," or "You'll get over it."
- DISRUPT CYCLES OF VIOLENCE
- Sexual violence is a global problem. Therefore, it will take a global awakening + intentional efforts to reduce the prevalence of sexual abuse and sexual harassment. Let's not shy away from the difficult conversations that will challenge systems of oppression and disrupt cycles of violence.
- Let's work towards creating a world where sexual abuse is not rampant. Where victims are not shamed and revictimized but believed. Where perpetrators are held accountable. And where restorative options are available to everyone.
- I don’t think this is too ambitious. I believe that we are more capable of affecting change than we think. We can change the world, one person at a time, helping the ones next to us and empowering them to do the same. But change begins within, so let’s seek healing for ourselves so that we can love our neighbors and protect our communities.
