2022 has been a year unlike any other. Nothing has gone according to plan. But I'm glad I can say this and mean every word: everything has been used to get me one step closer to where I'm supposed to be.
When I shared the last post, I immediately thought, this will be evidence of God's goodness OR proof of my stupidity. In God Will Work It Out, I admitted that waiting seemed illogical and countercultural, and that it didn't come naturally to me. However, I embraced it because I felt it was the right thing to do. Now I can say that in embracing the waiting, I welcomed grace.
A few months ago, I heard God say to me, "Your hands won't be able to hold all the things I have for you." I didn't know what He meant, but I believed Him. After all, He is God. However, I didn't think I would see this promise's fulfillment this year. An overflow of blessings seemed unlikely since I was already moving towards a dream–the opportunity to return to the UK to study, work, and perhaps even put down roots again. But God's timing and mine rarely coincide. So just a month before I was due to travel, I watched this dream crumble and die, all in a matter of a few days. And did I panic? Absolutely. But, this sense of foreboding was transient because all year, I had been learning to trust the One who knows my heart.
I don't think that being accepted into the Trauma-Informed Practice Master's program in the UK was a mistake. I also don't feel like the timing of it was off. Rather, I believe that being accepted into the program kept me focused. See, the thing is, I was offered a place at the University of Nottingham in September of 2021. Thus, knowing that I would be moving in 2022, I set goals that I wanted to achieve before leaving Nicaragua. Big goals. Goals that I would continue to put off if I didn't have a time frame (and an exit plan). Therefore, more than a job, more than a master's, and more than appearing to be successful, this year, I needed to learn to pivot towards surrender & grace.
In the last few weeks, I have watched opportunities grow from disappointments. It feels like the world has opened up to me and that anything is possible. Of course, I know that this is somewhat of a fleeting phase and that the unknown is exciting because I'm looking at it through the lens of joyful hope. But even as I return to a wonted rhythm of life, I want to remember that I'm meant to live it extraordinarily and that anything is possible.
–––ON THE MOVE–––
If all goes according to plan, I will spend the next 12 months working with various anti-trafficking organizations all over the world. My journey as a full-time volunteer/missionary begins in three days, and my first stop is Belize!
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It is an honor to come alongside people whose lives have been disrupted by evil to encourage them to dare to heal and love (again or for the first time in their lives). I can't believe that I get to do this anew. This is evidence of God's mercy–to use a fool like me to be His heart on earth.
From early on, I knew that this season had a purpose and that there would be valuable lessons to learn, but I did not expect these lessons to affect my life in the ways they have. There is no undoing what has happened this year. The past six months of my life will always influence all the years to come. There were setbacks, healing, heartache, and breakthrough. I was encouraged, challenged, empowered, and loved. And through it all, I could hear God rejoicing over me with singing.
So this is where God wanted me to be:
willing to let go of my plans to walk into the ones He had prepared for me.
Holy pivot.
