I've been feeling disheartened and weepy all month. And it's not because of one big thing but because of several little ones. Like some of you, I had many plans for this year and the one to come. However, now I'm starting to feel like I'm running towards something that is running from me.
I think I made canceling my place at Hillsong College sound easier than it was. It was easy because I knew that Hillsong wasn't the place for me, but it was also upsetting. Not only did I give up $1,000 (spent on fees & tests), but in a way, I gave up knowing and anticipating.
I knew that in 2022 I was supposed to be moving to Sydney to start a new adventure. Now that this is certainly NOT happening, it feels like nothing else will happen. Somehow, I had made Australia the starting point of my dreams coming true. All the other things I wanted were supposed to happen after I moved–education, community, travel, big career opportunities. When I gave up Australia, I gave these up too.
I found that having a timeline was helpful. It pushed me to get some hard things done before I had to leave. Now I feel stuck, dejected, and unmotivated. My days are all starting to feel the same. And I'm not the only one. A few of my friends are talking about the same thing: there is little excitement for the future.
In an article for the New York Times, Adam Grant, psychologist & bestselling author, calls this feeling LANGUISHING. This term, however, was coined by Corey Keyes, sociologist & psychologist. Grant describes languishing as "a sense of stagnation and aimlessness" and "the neglected middle child of mental health." So we aren't depressed (yet), but we're also not thriving.
In his article, titled "There's a Name for the Blah you're Feeling: It's Called Languishing," Grant proposes that flow may be the antidote to languishing.
I remember studying the concept of flow in one of my college psych. classes. This concept was brought forward by Positive Psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. According to him, flow is a state of complete emersion in an activity. It's being wholly absorbed, focused, and involved in something, sometimes for hours.
For example, I experience flow when I write. Sometimes, I get so into writing that I stay up until 5 in the morning. I only realize how late/early it is when I hear the birds chirping outside my window. That's flow. And according to Grant, that's how we can fight languishing.
Flow is proven to increase enjoyment, creativity, productivity, and happiness. But is flow enough to combat languishing? I would say no. But keep in mind that I am no expert.
In the past six months, since I started this blog, I've been consistently experiencing flow. I can track the times I've been in the state if I go back and look at my list of "Ish I've written."
I did go to my list. From November 2020 to May 2021, I've been in the state of flow about 35 times, which is about 6 times per month.
I believe that shaking off languish requires something deeper than flow. I don't think that it's about focusing on doing something for a certain amount of time. Instead, I think it requires a brave shift in mindset and perspective. To me, the antidotes to languishing are GRATITUDE and HOPE.
Gratitude –the quality of being thankful or appreciative– is a game-changer. Its effects impact every area of our lives, from our mental health to our relationships with others. It shifts our focus from what we don't have (wealth, relationships, health, a six-pack) to what we do have (life and possibilities).
Brené Brown said it best when she wrote, "practicing gratitude is how we acknowledge that there's enough and that we're enough." (Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead).
Sometimes I get in Blue, my beat-up car, and I say out loud, "I am so grateful that I have a car that enables me to go places." When I'm well, I'm grateful for my health. When I'm unwell, I'm thankful to be alive. Even when I'm struggling emotionally, I thank God that my emotions and circumstances can change. Gratitude keeps me grounded. And it introduces hope.
Hope is the desire for something good to happen. Faith is the belief that it will. Just like being grateful, having hope is something that you get better at with practice. It's the fire that gets you through. It's a mindset, not a habit of wishing. Therefore, I wholeheartedly believe that envisioning our future through the lens of hope allows us to live our present with a greater sense of peace.
I realized something this week:
I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY.
Languishing is common. And it's not a mental illness, but it is unhealthy. Thanks to Corey Keyes, we have a name for this cluster of feelings and emotions. And thanks to Adam Grant, we know that it's the mood of 2021.
I can fight what I can name. And now that I can name it, I can begin to combat this malaise. Because let me tell you, I am ready to get out of this slump. I don't want to continue to feel like I'm muddling through my days. And I don't want to feel despondent another week. I want to be hopeful and excited about what's to come, even when I don't know what that is.
NOTE TO SELF: So much has been lost in the last year. Hope should not be one of those things.
